A Glimmer Of Hope

It's been a bad couple of months. I just finished paying off a loan, only to find that I may have to apply for another one. Things keep happening to suck all the money out of my bank account. I dream of getting my own car, but sadly, I am no closer than I was 18 months ago. On it goes.

There is a glimmer of hope, though. I stopped taking the antidepressant I was on. I stopped partly because it wasn't doing much for my mood, but mostly because I was sick of the side effects. The drug seemed to be affecting my memory, concentration, and worst of all, my creativity. My brain felt numb, and I felt as if I were walking around in a perpetual fog.

I've been off my antidepressant for only four days, and already my brain seems to have come back to life. I feel more alert. My memory has improved. My appetite has decreased, so maybe I'll lose a little weight, too. It's too early to say if my ability to write creatively will return, but for the first time in nearly two years, I have hope that it will.

In spite of my never-ending financial problems, I have a little bit of spring in my step. Now that I'm free of that prescription drug, maybe, just maybe, my ability to write will come back. It will probably take time, and may not return all at once, but I have hope that it will. The rest of my life sucks, but if I can write again, then I can put up with all the rest of the crap.

I want everyone to know that I made the decision to stop the medication with the help of my psychiatrist. After talking about it at length, he agreed that it was okay for me to stop, and we're both going to keep monitoring my mood, in case it craters. If you are taking an antidepressant, please DON'T stop taking it without consulting the doctor who prescribed it. If the side effects are intolerable, your doctor may want to switch medications rather than have you stop taking them altogether. What to do about your medication is a decision that requires the advice of a professional. Please keep that in mind.

I don't have a lot in my life, but I do have a few things, and now I have a wee bit of hope. In dark times like these, that feels pretty good. I'm going to keep plugging away. I hope you do, too.