I Promise To Fight

March has been a bad month. There are lots of reasons. Some are external (my car died), and some are internal (negative thought patterns), but they're not important. What's important is that I keep trying.

I've been feeling suicidal for three weeks or so. I think about killing myself many times, every single day. I've lost faith in myself at times, there's still lots about myself I dislike, and there are plenty of times that I lose hope for my future. I ask myself "why do I bother?", and I have no compelling answer for that. All I can do is make a promise to myself that I'm going to keep fighting. I have thought about that, and I think that maybe the promise means more if I make it to you, too.

So, to anyone reading this blog, I promise to fight. I promise that no matter how tempting suicide is, I won't do it. I promise I won't give up. I promise to fight.

If you feel suicidal, I hope that my struggle might inspire you to keep fighting, too. I write this blog to remind you that you're not alone in your struggle, and to remind myself that I'm not alone, either. So fight. Give it one more day. Get back in the ring and go one more round. And if you're serious about killing yourself, GO TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW. I promise to do the same.

I wish this post were more inspirational, that I could talk about all the progress I've made and how much better I feel, but maybe the inspiration here is that I really, really want to die, but I'm not going to give up. I promise to fight. I hope that you do, too.