Give It One More Day

Last week, I was suicidal for the first time in about a year. The reasons I crept up to the edge of the abyss and looked in are not important. What's important is what I did, or in this case, didn't do.

When I feel like I really am going to commit suicide, when I come up with a detailed plan and get the feeling that now is as good a time to do it as any, I tell myself a phrase that has kept me going many times.

"Give it one more day".

I told myself that if I was serious about killing myself, then it didn't need to be done right this minute. Everything seemed hopeless, but I told myself to give it one more day. I went to bed, woke up feeling marginally better, dragged myself through another day, and then thought about reasons to live. I urge you to do the same thing.

If you're suicidal, please give it one more day. Give life one more try. A lousy 24 hours. If you can, write down some reasons to stay alive at least for a while. Write them all down, even the ones that sound stupid. I couldn't come up with many reasons to live another decade, but I came up with a few to live at least until next year. One of my reasons was that I should at least live long enough to see who wins the Super Bowl this season. Another was to live through at least one last winter (because I love winter). They don't have to be great, just valid.

If you can't think of any, then just give yourself 24 hours. Go to bed early, try to get some rest, and see if you feel any better tomorrow. If you can't wait that long, or if tomorrow comes and you feel worse, please don't kill yourself. GO TO THE HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY. I've done that several times in the past, and if I had felt worse the next day, I would have gone last week, too. But give it one more shot. One more try. Step into the ring of Life for one more round.

Last week, it seemed that death was the only refuge from the pain. I really did want to die, and had trouble thinking of convincing reasons to go on living. But I said to myself "give it one more day". It's only been a week, but I do feel a little better, and I'm glad that I didn't attempt suicide right away. Remember that if you really, really want to die, waiting 24 hours to do it isn't that big a deal. I know that it's paralyzing and depressing to think of the future when you're bereft of hope, and that the prospect of years of future suffering and despair makes dying seem pretty tempting, so don't think about the distant future. Forget the next year, the next decade, and just concentrate on tomorrow. "Take it one day at a time" is pretty good advice.

So, please, don't give up right now. Try your best to get the help you need. And give it one more day.