For many of us with depression, December is the worst month of the year. The days are short, sunlight is in short supply with so many days overcast, and Christmas arrives. If you're like me, Christmas is intensely depressing. I alternate between crushing despair and a desire to punch Santa Claus in the face. I love the Grinch, and when people tell me I'm "a real Scrooge", I take it as a compliment.
Over the years, I have managed to come up with a few coping mechanisms for this time of year, and I'd like to share some of them with you. I hope that they help a little in getting through to January.
First of all, get your Christmas shopping done as early as possible, preferably before December. Why? That way, you can avoid malls. Few things are as depressing to me as being in a mall in December, surrounded by the colourful decorations and relentless Christmas music that mock the pain in my heart and soul. Being reminded that this is supposed to be a happy time of year only makes depression worse. It can make you feel like everyone is happy but you. I don't need to feel so alone, and neither do you. So the sooner your shopping is done, the easier it is to avoid malls.
Second, make plans with friends for the days after Boxing Day. Planning a nice time with friends on the 28th gives you something to look forward to. And if you're like me, and you feel like it's a huge relief that Christmas is over and done with, then going out and having some fun and socializing will help to build on that upward swing of your mood, however slight it might be. It's easier to avoid the dread of Christmas' approach if you can focus on the fun you'll have afterwards.
Third, consider avoiding any people you know who will probably make your life miserable. There are members of my family I don't get along with and never have. Having to interact with them is often stressful, sometimes even painful. Add X-mas to the mix, and sinking into despair becomes a real possibility. You probably can't avoid the events where these people will be, but you can avoid them at the event. If my father, for example, starts in on me, I excuse myself to "go to the bathroom", and when I leave the bathroom, I simply go to another room and start up a conversation with someone else. I've gotten pretty good at spending an entire day at my parents' house and not interacting with my father. He stresses me out, and I don't need that, so I avoid him. I used to be afraid of offending him, but I learned that it's better to offend him than it is to let his negative comments drag me down. When I go to see my family at Christmas with a PLAN, then I don't get so stressed out about going. Instead of thinking "Oh, God, I dread going to my parents' house", now I think "okay, I'm going to my parents' house. Remember to avoid Dad and hang out with my brother." It really helps make things less stressful, and the less stress you have, the better you will feel. And if you really can't handle being somewhere, call in sick! Seriously! I've skipped one Christmas by calling and saying I had the flu. Mention the words "vomit" and "diarrhea", and people will not want you over, and most of them will be sympathetic. Don't be afraid to do what you think is best for YOU.
I hope that this helps anyone out there who struggles with this time of year. And remember, if you're feeling suicidal, PLEASE GET HELP IMMEDIATELY. If you have to, GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Christmas sucks, but it's not worth dying over. Hang in there. Keep fighting, and soon, Christmas will be over, and the days will start slowly getting longer again. Just don't give up.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
This Too Shall Pass
When things are going badly and you feel like giving up, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that things will always be bad. I know. I've done it countless times, and sometimes, in spite of my best efforts, I still do. When you suffer from depression, it seems like the rough patches just keep coming. You may have said to yourself "things NEVER go right for me". I have. When things get bad, just remind yourself of two universal truths:
1. Everyone has times where nothing goes right. Everyone has problems. Yes, some problems are worse than others, and not everyone has to deal with depression on top of all of it, like we do. But nobody cruises through life without encountering trouble. NOBODY.
2. The bad times don't last forever. They may seem like they do, and some people have more bad times than others. But no matter what, just remember that "this too shall pass."
Right now, I'm in the middle of a financial crisis, largely of my own making (I'm terrible at making budgets and worse at sticking to them). All I have is 40 dollars, and it has to last me until Friday. That's five days of buying nothing but absolute necessities. The worst part is that I had to borrow that money, so when I get paid, I've got to pay back that money (and some other debts), leaving me with a smaller paycheque to get through the next two weeks, and I still have Christmas shopping to do. My family is getting cheap crap from the dollar store, again. It's depressing. And I've said to myself "this just never ends" more than once. But it does end. Come January, things will be okay by the middle of the month. The next 30 days are going to be financially tight and less than pleasant, but this too shall pass. Things kind of suck right now, and will continue to do so through the Christmas holiday, but the bad financial time will not last forever. I'll get through this.
And if you're having a terrible day, or week, or month, just remind yourself that whatever crisis you're facing right now, it won't last forever. This too shall pass. Try to remember all the bad times you've been through before, and survived. You may not feel you survived them well, or did a great job. You may feel, as I often do, that you could have handled things better. But the bottom line is you got through it somehow. You're still here, and you're still fighting. You've gotten through some terrible times, and you can do it again. Just keep fighting and don't give up. You may feel that you have more problems than other people, and you may be right. But instead of dwelling on it, just fight, knowing that eventually, you'll get through it. Don't give up. This too shall pass.
1. Everyone has times where nothing goes right. Everyone has problems. Yes, some problems are worse than others, and not everyone has to deal with depression on top of all of it, like we do. But nobody cruises through life without encountering trouble. NOBODY.
2. The bad times don't last forever. They may seem like they do, and some people have more bad times than others. But no matter what, just remember that "this too shall pass."
Right now, I'm in the middle of a financial crisis, largely of my own making (I'm terrible at making budgets and worse at sticking to them). All I have is 40 dollars, and it has to last me until Friday. That's five days of buying nothing but absolute necessities. The worst part is that I had to borrow that money, so when I get paid, I've got to pay back that money (and some other debts), leaving me with a smaller paycheque to get through the next two weeks, and I still have Christmas shopping to do. My family is getting cheap crap from the dollar store, again. It's depressing. And I've said to myself "this just never ends" more than once. But it does end. Come January, things will be okay by the middle of the month. The next 30 days are going to be financially tight and less than pleasant, but this too shall pass. Things kind of suck right now, and will continue to do so through the Christmas holiday, but the bad financial time will not last forever. I'll get through this.
And if you're having a terrible day, or week, or month, just remind yourself that whatever crisis you're facing right now, it won't last forever. This too shall pass. Try to remember all the bad times you've been through before, and survived. You may not feel you survived them well, or did a great job. You may feel, as I often do, that you could have handled things better. But the bottom line is you got through it somehow. You're still here, and you're still fighting. You've gotten through some terrible times, and you can do it again. Just keep fighting and don't give up. You may feel that you have more problems than other people, and you may be right. But instead of dwelling on it, just fight, knowing that eventually, you'll get through it. Don't give up. This too shall pass.
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